In keeping up with topical and current events, I have decided to take matters into my own hand as a responsible citizen. Zooma - in here!

INVITATION TO THE TAMING OF THE SCREW!
I was deeply saddened to hear that Father Jacob has had to take a few days off to be with his family to lick his...wounds! It kinda made me stop and wonder how much time he would need off if he lived my life! Made me think, didn't it!
In support of the man who is BUILDING the nation (his own one that is) I have decided to produce a play within the next 7 months (before the next one arrives) to assist with funding for food housing and education for his children.

I shall be sending out GUILT edged invitations. Please respond timeously as the theatre will be booked out with the rest of the nation (his own of course).

It is best that sexy women either refrain from attending or revealing any pieces of flesh whatsoever. Men please tighten your belts and hold onto your belongings. Security can not be too tight in case it bursts!
The play will be written by Shake-his-Spear, Eric.Tile. Function and S Shake.
Latex has kindly offered to hand out introductory gifts as a welcome. They warn not to put it near anything that may prick.
Cum early to make sure that you will receive your pack. There will also be a lucky draw.
The Minister of Health has not stapled on directions for use. She has been invited to give a hands on demo. Any takers may come forward. Please do not mess.
Jacob has offered to deliver a speech but unfortunately we are unable time wise to accommodate his act. He took it with a stiff....upper lip.
Regrettably some of our VIP'S are unable to attend due to prior arrangements of community service, not being able to leave their area of constituency, needing to report to their local police station at the time of the first act. Some are out on bail and don't feel comfortable to park their Lexus' BMW's Merc at the venue. Others are in jail. Making up the invitation list put me into a major milemma. Helen has been very helpful. We met for coffee to go through the guest list.
The One and Only was a fairly good choice of venue - comfortable enough!
Hel said we should pay special attention to the music chosen. Pink Floyd's "we don't need no education" was on the NOT TO PLAY list! Consideration is still been given to "tonight's gonna be a good night" by The Black Eyed Peas.
Tickets will be on sale from Cum-puticket. Unfortunately rows A N C are already booked out for all the President's Men.
Cost of tickets R 69.
Please bring protection as it will be held in an open air theatre. We dont want to raise the ceiling or anything else.
P.S Please no drugs - especially no Viagra!