Lucky Strike!

Any more attempts to strike - this country will be set ablaze!!!

The Latest SALEB!

If you are a junkie for the written word, let me feed your addiction and indulge your drug of choice.
What can possibly more comical than our very own political arena! Circe de Africa! What the ringleader failed to grasp was that there is only one jester per show. Perhaps that explains why the rest are constantly trying to jump through rings of fire. It’s sadly no comedy of errors but instead the travesty of corruption. When Moses led the people into the Promised Land he was focused and had direction. When the leaders of our government move they use faulty equipment. Are those GPS’s stolen!
In order to qualify for a parliamentary position one needs to meet various pre requisites in order to gain a seat in the ruling party. Had these senior citizens been part of the OBE curriculum it may have been a little easier to comprehend their path of self discovery. Perhaps we need to remember that in doing time, one gets a free degree. Had I been guilty of such criminality I would have been given the third degree! So along with entitlement for past misfortunes it seems that the band wagon has a dedicated carriage for theft and corruption. It derailed at the point where those who were freed from incarceration and emancipation were meant to build bridges but decided to build a cabinet instead.
From the chair of the Interpol office to the suite of the Commissioner of Justice, the latest SALEB is now preparing to take the floor....where he will meet others who are similar strangers of the truth. Will the 15 years be reduced for good behaviour which may just mean that he won’t get caught doing the deed or will there be another ugly (idi)otti to slip him some back handers to bribe the wardens with! It’s there that the man will learn the true meaning of a-peel! Sies! Something else to kebble about!
So while the Affirmative Action was taken to understand that the answer to everything is YES – thou shalt steal and thou shalt murder and thou shalt.....The top job now in the Houses of Parliament is for a CLEANER!!! Someone who is willing to polish the filthy cabinet. And just while the guilty SALEB has been replaced by someone who has as big a becky, his wife she smuggle da .....
Ayoba, all is good in South Africa! And as the new curriculum is under reconstruction, just before the current Minister of Education errs and gets detention....let’s give the syllabus a good SHAIK up! For the MO, Shabir is a free man on drug trials proving the efficacy of a well run pharmaceutical company...
I shall refrain from SHOWERING more abject descriptions of those who run our country. Ever wondered if parliament could be run from The Houses of Polsmoor! Seems like there may be more party animals inside than out....They may even be able to operate from their cell phones!
Just when I was losing hope of my lack of ambitious aspirations and achievements to date, I suddenly realised how proud I am not to have met the pre requisites for running this beautiful country....into the ground!

Test your moral high ground!

Here's a difficult one.
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.
By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand
morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in
which you
will have to make a decision.


THE SITUATION

Johannesburg has seen it's worst storm in living memory. There
is chaos
all around with severe flooding.
You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and
you're
caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is
nearly
hopeless.
You're trying to shoot career-making photos.
There are houses and people disappearing into the water.
Nature is unleashing all its destructive fury.


THE TEST

Suddenly, you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his
life, trying
not to be taken down with the debris.
You move closer... somehow, the man looks familiar...
You suddenly realise who it is... It's Julius Malema!
You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under
forever.
You have two options:
1st you can save the life of Julius Malema or 2nd you can
shoot a
dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of
one of the
country's most powerful men!


THE QUESTION

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer. . ..



Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go
with a more
classic ........black and white film?

Beautiful words of inspiration

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

A message every adult should read because children
are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking'

New Porn Channel for DSTV

While listened to a somewhat heated debate on Cape Talk as to whether launching a Porn Channel is a good thing or not, an elderly lady called in with her rather staunch point of view! Her irritation was palbable as she expressed herself rather succinctly saying to the talk show host "oh come come!!!!"

That wasnt enough....Dick then called in to give his piece of ....mind!!!!

A thought!

Ever wondered if there are any Jews / a Shul and Rabbi in Christchurch!

Zuma's wedding vows

Shame he didnt understand - he heard FOUR better FOUR worse FOUR richer FOUR poorer!!! So he thought polygomy was expected of him!!!

what a m/d illema ...

SUBJECT – Julius Malema STAMP

The Reported Problem: Stamp Was Not Sticking To Envelopes.

Course of Action: The Premiers Office Allocated R1.5 Million To Test Stamp

FINDINGS
1. The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive
3. People are spitting on the wrong side.

The Budget 2010

Employment Position Available

Suitably qualified child carer required for 20 children.
Employer - an upstanding person in the community.
Experience with nappy changes as well as sex education a necessary requisite.
Send CV to zumafamilyeducare@ancyouthleague69.comcomcom
Showered with perks

I tripped off my moral high ground today! Hurt my corrupt-shin....

our president is taking time off from his copulation to address the population

all that's crawling over the screen right now is seman ticks.....my accountant hates my sin tax.

Time to kebble over UGLY OTTY & JACKIE CELEBRITY NEXT!

Whats the bone called in the front of the lower legs of our Government ----
CORRUPT SHIN :)

Load Shedding suddenly has a new meaning - when the lights go out our Presidents shouts EK KOM!

Reflections

Please note that the views expressed herein are done in total jest / tongue in cheek and are merely a play on words. There is no deep thought indicative of personal opinions whatsoever. I have just jumped onto the Gravy Train and am going along for the ride. Let me take you for a ride too.

Z.U.M.A - Zille under massive aggrevation. Father Jacob says "what a lot I got!"

A.N.C = Another Newborn Child!

YES THEY CAN??? WHO CAN CAN CAN

Launch of vasectomy machine

Off my soapbox - finished showering!

SPERM BANK ERECTED

The ANC has taken a hard line on the recent events that have occured.
In light of that they have chosen to keep the nation abreast of things and wish to inform that a new sperm bank will be opening in The VIRGIN ACTIVE Centre 69 Zuma Square cnr Latex & Viagra Street.
Please keep coming. Wankers only!

So badly want to retire - only allowed to retread!

Push me to the Floor

Somehow doubt this is a Palourtones song!
Victim of rape 2008 of which the Prick was aquitted - claims rights to song.

Talk of The Townships!

Today's special at BATHROOM BAZAAR
20 showers for the price of one!

ANCYL!!!

Now the millema is clearer in my mind for the need of the ANC Youth League....A total cock up!

Chinks!

Lets raise a glass or 5 to Manto Tshabalala-Msimang who passed on and can no longer DE-LIVER!

The man has balls but he's hanging his head(s) in shame! Sies

COPE wants Zuma to stand down!! If only he could....we could call him ED!

I'm NOT emotio-nil, I'm full of it!

Jobs too hard to mention!

Mr. Employer
Try BEV not BEE!

Lastest models of cars on the market

TOYOTA RECALL
HONDA JAZZ RECALL

I prefer a real YOTA!

Killing time!

Does one get arrested for killing time?
What time does one get? Is one put under a watchful eye to clock up the hours?

Read this - I'm trying to catch your eye but my eye hand co-ordination aint that good!

Feel free to express yourself HERE!

Zuma needs a bed lock not a wedlock!

Da way to my heart is thru my blog...err dog!

Chado-Ego Moss-Reilly

Chardy and Candy
Nobody can ever replace you but somebody can honour your space...
Thus Chado is our 17 month old little treasure. She has huge paws to fit in and take after. We love her dearly. We know that you are with us still in spirit.
This is Chado-Ego. She is loving and gorgeous and attracts everyone to her on two or four legs. She gets her walk on Blouberg Beach daily where she is known.
Enjoy loving her spiriyually with us.
Your ever loving mom xxx

What's a blog without a dog? A bl.....

My pet loves.
In memory love devotion and dedication to Chardy and Candy who enriched my life with unconditional love and unfaultering loyalty. Your loving memories are inprinted on my heart mind and soul daily. You are carried with me every step I take.
Thank you for what we shared. I will love you forever xxx

This is a tit one!

Before HE CAME forth and multiplied!

ZUMA FOR PRESIDENT!
To stand a chance as president
One must commit a crime
And maybe sit in prison
To do a bit of time.
To name a few like fraud and rape
And have a friend like Shabir Shaik!
He dances for his people
Who think he has got vuma,
The man of which I talk Is Mr. Jacob Zuma!
A pending trial for corruption
Does our country face destruction?
He turns on charm and does a dance
Defeated Thabo stood no chance!
Does Eskom have a lot less power
Than this man who takes a shower..
And wins the people in all his glory
Are we to follow Mugabe's story?
The Whites are all in terrored fear
As Zuma's reign is drawing near.
With his case still duly pending
Does South Africa face an ending?
Are the whites about to pack?
And run for foreign land..
To escape the reign of a criminal
Who will no doubt slash our rand
Will we have a brain drain?
And lose some of our best
Will others still have confidence
To purchase and invest?
We need to wait in vein
And give the man some time,
To see where he will take us in 2009.
Will he rule from prison?
Sitting behind bars,
Or will good behaviour release him
From the clutches of SARS?
I’m just a frightened citizen
With nowhere else to run
Just hoping that South Africa
Will find its place in the sun!
Gay White and Jewish
I’m not his chosen race,
But free of criminal record
Unlike his disgrace!
So where he'll lead our country
Is for us yet to see,
As South Africa is handed over
From Thabo Nbeki!

It would be remiss to overlook this!

Is the cabinet made up of carpenters
Who are a load of nuts and have managed to screw things up!
Many of its people have bolted out of the country to find better opportunities to hinge their lives on…..
Has Mugabe managed to sand down the economy to such an extent that he has hammered the lives of the people to down their tools & run….
Drilled by dictatorship that chipped away the fibre of a nation now trying to rebuild upon shattered foundations. The builders of the nation long gone!
Come out of your cabinet now Mugabe & don’t throw your rusty old spanner in the works again!

Why I should have been a butcher! Meat me & we can chat!

I would’ve been sure to make ends meat
I tend to set my stakes high
I believe its good to be well hung - have no experience
So many have tried to make mince meat out of me
I’ve been smacked around the chops
I love things well done....
Shall we meet some time???
I do have hang ups....but am maturing!
Life has been tough & often hard to swallow
So please be tender with me
My soul is currently marinated in sadness
Yes variety is the spice of life
Try and curry favour with me as mine has been peppered with hurt right now!

Upon winning the ERECTIONS - September 2008

Politricks of A.N.C (A New Circus)

The Circus has come to town
With more than just one saddened clown
Spectators aren’t laughing
The atmosphere tense
Who’s walking the tight rope
They watch in suspense
The ringleader’s been asked to leave
The joker has something way up his sleeve
Who’s going to juggle
Or may it be smuggle
The power has tripped
As somebody slipped
Who’s going to jump through the fire
They’re standing on stilts to get higher
It’s now automatic seeing that Manuel has left
That those who are watching are feeling bereft.
Act two is corruption and fraud
But nobody’s left to applaud
The airports are busy
The acrobats dizzy
The tent has been stolen
The circus closed down
Nobody’s laughing
Not even the clown

Another Cock Up!

Forgive me for sharing my ditty
About our president's bitty

Cock a doodle do
Zuma loves to screw
With child number twenty
His sperm count is plenty
Cock a doodle doo

Cock a doodle do
This man has scruples few
He reigns with power
And just takes a shower
Cock a doodle do

Cock a doodle do
Believe it or not it’s true
He's trying to increase Bafana Bafana
With his overactive virile banana
Cock a doodle do

Cock a doodle don’t
The man just can’t, he won’t
He knows not of protection
Just the thrill of erection
Cock a doodle don’t

Sometimes you've just gotta say it as it is!

I'm an open book. I have written life on every page. I hope it will be a while till I get to the Conclusion.

Epitaphs found on the tombstones at a Jewish Penile Cemetery

1. Big headed already.
2. May you live to be an upstanding chap.
3. Don't be a prick like your father.
4. May the hard parts of life be the most enjoyable.
5. May you get your come uppance.
6. Go through life upright.
7. Try not to cock up in life.
8. Handle with care.
9. Sadly separated at birth.
10. Come come now.
11. May you be a guy with get up and go.
12. Stand up for your rights.

Please know you have the write to add to my blog! Follow me....

Think Pink! It's okay to be gay!

A snippet of Jewish Humour!

Having performed the mitzvah of attending a brit millah a week ago, the thought crossed my mind of what happens to those foreskins once removed.
Not embarrassed to question, I was told that they are buried. Rabbi xxx with his colourful sense of humour said that he has a Penis Cemetery in his back garden.
This led my warped sense of humour to think of epitaphs one may find on the tombstones of such a cemetery.
I did wonder though how the good Lord above would feel to receive some information about this and suddenly realised what “vun dein Moyle in G-d’s ayverin” could mean.
I wondered if when a Moyle decides to go into retirement he tells people he is starting to cut back! Perhaps he would be offering the next one in training a few tips! I guess it’s a business where there’s lots of room for growth, although it could be a pretty hard job!
I thought it may be a nice idea to erect a centre to hold such a simcha. Well Rabbi xxx as head of the Beth Din, this is really a snippet of what I could say. I know it’s not good to make such cutting remarks so I shall cease from continuing to do so. I have to hand it to you. Anyway I like to think of myself as somewhat deeper than these skin deep remarks. However it’s just a slice of life!

On a totally different note and somewhat to the other extreme, a gentleman whom I know well shared an incident that he had experienced. Being a very philanthropic chap he received copious calls for donations. Yet again he received a call but this time it was by Avbob, the funeral undertakers.
They asked him if he would consider taking out a funeral policy with them to ensure that his burial would be taken care of. He thanked them and explained that being of the Jewish faith he subscribes to the Chevrah Kadisha. To which they innocently replied: “well if you aren’t happy with their service, please come back to us!”

In keeping up with topical and current events, I have decided to take matters into my own hand as a responsible citizen. Zooma - in here!

INVITATION TO THE TAMING OF THE SCREW!
I was deeply saddened to hear that Father Jacob has had to take a few days off to be with his family to lick his...wounds! It kinda made me stop and wonder how much time he would need off if he lived my life! Made me think, didn't it!
In support of the man who is BUILDING the nation (his own one that is) I have decided to produce a play within the next 7 months (before the next one arrives) to assist with funding for food housing and education for his children.

I shall be sending out GUILT edged invitations. Please respond timeously as the theatre will be booked out with the rest of the nation (his own of course).

It is best that sexy women either refrain from attending or revealing any pieces of flesh whatsoever. Men please tighten your belts and hold onto your belongings. Security can not be too tight in case it bursts!
The play will be written by Shake-his-Spear, Eric.Tile. Function and S Shake.
Latex has kindly offered to hand out introductory gifts as a welcome. They warn not to put it near anything that may prick.
Cum early to make sure that you will receive your pack. There will also be a lucky draw.
The Minister of Health has not stapled on directions for use. She has been invited to give a hands on demo. Any takers may come forward. Please do not mess.
Jacob has offered to deliver a speech but unfortunately we are unable time wise to accommodate his act. He took it with a stiff....upper lip.
Regrettably some of our VIP'S are unable to attend due to prior arrangements of community service, not being able to leave their area of constituency, needing to report to their local police station at the time of the first act. Some are out on bail and don't feel comfortable to park their Lexus' BMW's Merc at the venue. Others are in jail. Making up the invitation list put me into a major milemma. Helen has been very helpful. We met for coffee to go through the guest list.
The One and Only was a fairly good choice of venue - comfortable enough!
Hel said we should pay special attention to the music chosen. Pink Floyd's "we don't need no education" was on the NOT TO PLAY list! Consideration is still been given to "tonight's gonna be a good night" by The Black Eyed Peas.
Tickets will be on sale from Cum-puticket. Unfortunately rows A N C are already booked out for all the President's Men.
Cost of tickets R 69.
Please bring protection as it will be held in an open air theatre. We dont want to raise the ceiling or anything else.
P.S Please no drugs - especially no Viagra!

Welcome to my blog!

Let it be known that this blog is not suitable for sensitive readers. It is written in satirical jest, tongue in cheek for your enjoyment!
If you take offence, you have been warned.
In choosing the title of this blog, I have to say it was a mission in itself. I almost had a case of writer's blog!
Evidently I am not an individualistic statistic of original thoughts as the title that was born today was after a good few miscarriages v.i.z In My Own Write! / Writes and Wrongs! / Human Writes / The Writing's on the Wall / Write of Way / My writes / The Write stuff...amongst a few others...and thus the result of the birth of In my write mind!
Laugh out loud and laugh out lots!
Enjoy and feel free to contribute. After all you too have the write!
Regards
Bev